K was telling me she is termed unfeeling only coz she sometimes doesn’t have the vocabulary to define her feelings. That got me thinking about words we use far too often which are not nearly enough to say what we want to say:
Look up a Thesaurus!
Vibe - Is it short for vibrations? Does it mean a gut feel? Is it just flooziness/laziness to not find another word for it? Bing, I am looking at you. (But I’m the one who’s wishing you ‘Happy Birthday!’)
Sexy - A dog is sexy. A movie is sexy. The attitude is sexy. Enough already!
Relationship - "I am in a relationship with him". Umm...news flash! Everyone is in a relationship with everyone else. Friendship is a relationship (Enough with the hints, Sammeh! I just don’t think of you that way!). Hell, I have a traffic cop who knows my name. Do you see me walking around saying I am in a relationship with him? (No, coz your cigarette kadai kaaran would be so jealous!)
Seeing someone - If you are not Rani Mukherjee, playing a blind woman very badly, chances are you are seeing more than one person. Say “boinking” or “doing” like the rest of us, jackass!
Kinky - Anything out of the ordinary is not kinky. It is just not ordinary. Unless you like being tied for 3 days and beaten black and blue for pleasure, chances are you are not into kinky sex. Bummer, I know! (Thinking bad things about all the exes she called “kinky”.)
Gay - Any guy who does not swill beer, scratch his crotch, beat his wife is not necessarily gay! Or, a guy isn’t gay just because he has more than 3 pairs of shoes! There are terms like metro and uber sexual. Learn ‘em, use ‘em.
Awesome - If everything is awesome, then isn’t everything just ok? (just like, ‘unique’!)
Fate/Destiny - If you use a condom and still get knocked up, you're allowed to chalk it up to either Fate or Destiny, but when you are ovulating and you take a chance au naturale, there’s another word for it. Its first 3 letters are s-t-u and it ends with p-i-d and has nothing in between. Can ya guess it? (Ex-best friend, hope you are reading this. And we’ll wait for you to get there. No hurry!)
Orgasmic - "The food is orgasmic", "The weather is orgasmic", "The smell is orgasmic" - unless your heart rate is up and your muscles are contracting, it ain’t that "awesome"!
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
The Journey is the Destination
Greetings!
We had a brief window where we both had a life; but we took care of that little problem and now we're back to soul searching about life, love and careers! Hah!
Fao San and I decided to do a road trip to Talakona falls, Andhra. We all know how road trips usually go when am at the wheel (stop to pee every 200 mtrs, introspect every 100, swear at exes every 50). This one was not a lot different. Except, it was pretty awesome!
I wanna clear the air before I begin and say there was no yelling. (not from inside the car, anyway.)
We packed way more supplies than we needed AND finished them all. (we're pretty fantastic that way!)
We left early and I still dont have my emission certificate *and* I always forget to carry my original driver's license - yes Fao San, I was carrying a colour photocopy of my license when I was driving at 100 kmph in another state. (and she had the temerity to clang breezer bottles while asking a cop for directions!)
We got lost inside our own city and did a 12 km detour asking lorry drivers who leered at our chests for directions. (oh, so all that heavy breathing and heaving wasn't for my benefit?? I did wonder why she insisted on being the navigator.)
I mentally made up my mind that any time it seemed like there was danger to my life, I'd sell Fao San to a willing lorry driver. (I admit, I was getting to like the 'Midnight Masala' spoof we were playing out.)
A typical conversation.
We had a brief window where we both had a life; but we took care of that little problem and now we're back to soul searching about life, love and careers! Hah!
Fao San and I decided to do a road trip to Talakona falls, Andhra. We all know how road trips usually go when am at the wheel (stop to pee every 200 mtrs, introspect every 100, swear at exes every 50). This one was not a lot different. Except, it was pretty awesome!
I wanna clear the air before I begin and say there was no yelling. (not from inside the car, anyway.)
We packed way more supplies than we needed AND finished them all. (we're pretty fantastic that way!)
We left early and I still dont have my emission certificate *and* I always forget to carry my original driver's license - yes Fao San, I was carrying a colour photocopy of my license when I was driving at 100 kmph in another state. (and she had the temerity to clang breezer bottles while asking a cop for directions!)
We got lost inside our own city and did a 12 km detour asking lorry drivers who leered at our chests for directions. (oh, so all that heavy breathing and heaving wasn't for my benefit?? I did wonder why she insisted on being the navigator.)
I mentally made up my mind that any time it seemed like there was danger to my life, I'd sell Fao San to a willing lorry driver. (I admit, I was getting to like the 'Midnight Masala' spoof we were playing out.)
A typical conversation.
Me (driving) - I hate men. I hate him specifically. Whats wrong with me?
Fao San (in front seat with feet on dash board munching chips) - How much time you got?
Me - Shut up.
Fao San - I say, use that evil brain of yours and do some damage.
Me and Fao San notice a billboard that reiterates our situation and we are awed by the powers that be that speak to us through advertisements. ('Adultery is official'. God was doing my job.)
Me - I think we're lost.
Fao San - I agree. Lets ask for directions.
We *were* lost.
{Stranger1 -on-the-road: You are 100 kms off course. Turn back! Do you speak Malayalam?
(What the..!! So Sam san and I turned back, bought some hooch and asked for directions at the shop.)
Hooch seller: You are 100 kms off course. Turn back!
(Somebody had been sampling his own merchandise.)}
A few hours later
We *were* lost.
{Stranger1 -on-the-road: You are 100 kms off course. Turn back! Do you speak Malayalam?
(What the..!! So Sam san and I turned back, bought some hooch and asked for directions at the shop.)
Hooch seller: You are 100 kms off course. Turn back!
(Somebody had been sampling his own merchandise.)}
A few hours later
Me - He can't have us both. Nossir! Committed men and I don't mix! I have only a few scruples left. I plan to keep them.
Fao San (driving) - Will you stop changing your mind every hundred meters, its giving me nausea.
Me (sitting in front seat with feet on dashboard munching chips) - I promise not to change my mind.
5 meters later
Me - But who cares about the other girl? I can...
Fao San - Shut up.
Me - I think we're lost.
Fao San - (pleased for the diversion, even if it was only for another chance to chase our tails on a midsummer's day in parched Andhra) Lets stop and ask for directions.
Stranger 2-on-the-road: You are off course. Go back and take a left.
(It is an elaborate hoax. Talakona doesn't exist. Not unless you lose your way and drive into an alternate dimension where rainforests materialise between brambles and craggy cliffs.)
Despite our detours and skepticism about the existence of the falls, when we actually found it, twas still not worth it but the drive was pretty awesome.
We bitched about our friends. We hatched a plan to exterminate all men (mostly, Sam's exes. But that's half the male population in our neck of the woods). We watched it rain on the Ghats. We trekked up to the falls. We made unscheduled pit stops. We ate under shady trees.
We were happy to know it would burn Bing up.
The things that drive our lives!
(It is an elaborate hoax. Talakona doesn't exist. Not unless you lose your way and drive into an alternate dimension where rainforests materialise between brambles and craggy cliffs.)
Despite our detours and skepticism about the existence of the falls, when we actually found it, twas still not worth it but the drive was pretty awesome.
We bitched about our friends. We hatched a plan to exterminate all men (mostly, Sam's exes. But that's half the male population in our neck of the woods). We watched it rain on the Ghats. We trekked up to the falls. We made unscheduled pit stops. We ate under shady trees.
We were happy to know it would burn Bing up.
The things that drive our lives!
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