Change

Jon Stewart did a bit on Change being here and how different they all felt...
A few things America can change - Fao and Sam Style
1. Stop invading tiny countries with oil.
2. Use 'U' in your spelling. (and 'your' is not the same as 'you're'. Oh, just get an education!)
3. Dont refer to your sparkling wine as 'Champagne'. (This one's for you Dami!).
4. Stop obsessing about Paris Hilton and then be befuddled about the reason for her fame (or her BFFs'. or her BFs'. or her Bs'.)
5. Stop making Jen pregnant everytime Jolie gets knocked up.
6. Dont be pseudo religious; you cant quote the scripture on everything from driving on the right side of the road to being homosexual and have gun laws that are looser than Britney's morals.
7. Avoid meat. It is easier to explain than a law that requires ethical treatment of animals before they're slaughtered - a small rejoinder on behalf of poultry; the slitting of the neck kinda offsets how much leg room they had in the ante-chamber.
8. When you're having a world series, have the courtesy to call it the America series. (Since you suck at every sport played outside your country, we realize it is safer for you to create your own games and play among yourselves)
9. Stop treating Beckham like royalty just because you are starved for real kings and queens. You fled the kingdom, remember? Anyway, back where he comes from, he is just an East-end boy. Even his wife thinks so.
10. A 100-yr old building is not historical. The flower pots in our backyards have more history and years on them than your preserved heritage sites.
11. Jack the Samurai is not a real Samurai.
12. The indigenous people of your country are not Indians. Your country was founded on a mistake.
13. You gave Bush a second term in office. You have lost all moral right to gripe. In fact, you owe the world a lifetime of therapy money.
14. In your movies, stop making Asians and East Europeans mispronounce words in their language so you can understand them better. Iranians in Iran do not pronounce 'Omar Khayyam' as 'Aumaa Khaeyaam'.