Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Your father is a killer and your neighbour is a lecher!

Something I wrote for this magazine.
The Pulp Fiction World is murky and dangerous for women; at every corner lurks temptation and disaster. At any moment she could be abducted to be used sexually and killed or she could fall into the hands of her uncle who leers lasciviously at her and her fortune. Her entire presence is distilled to two facts; at all times her honour could be decimated and she could be led astray never to be mentioned in polite circles or she could lead a quiet virtuous life and no matter her status, deliverance would come in the form of a rich, educated, and sensitive man and all her previous cares would be forgotten.
If that sounds like a subversive kind of chick lit, meet the other woman in Pulp fiction, an archetype herself but modelled on whom exactly? She is spunky, knows Karate, can defend her honour, and if necessary, hatch plans to escape from the lair of the evil scientist. She wears t shirts with sexy aphorisms that are too tight, is aware of her erotically charged relationship with her male colleague and hides it with matter of fact diversions or bullies him into looking at her as a sexual object through coquettish jealousy.
If all this sounds complicated and overwrought, you must excuse my feminist professors for teaching me to read meaning into the patriarchal writing. Lets take a step back and look at it again. You might as well strike out the first two paragraphs (but please don’t coz I crafted them meticulously and will get back to them in a bit) because these women are only marginal figures in pulp fiction, serving only to drive the action forward which will be take over by the men.
Ahh, the men! While the women are sexual objects, there to arouse one into thinking and action with names that slip out like semi-orgiastic exclamations Asha, Leela, Pushpa, Kamini, and Kanchana, the men are their antithesis. Devanathan, Shankar Lal, Narendran, and Sasivaran; thinking individuals with thick moustaches and hard skulls, capable of keeping their cool even when a gun is pointed at them, especially if a gun is pointed at them, these are the men for whom its written.
The Sabapathy, Velupillai, and Ravis of the world buy these magazines and fantasise about the Kaminis and Kanchanas of the seedy underworld who run to them with heaving bosoms seeking their brawn and brain to rescue them from the clutches of evil and in return give them the promise of eternal devotion and undying love or just an unforgettable night of passion!
The Blaft Anthology of Tamil Pulp Fiction has excellent translations from select authors and a marvellous translator’s note which I urge you to read. If it seems like my delicate sensibilities are wounded by these portrayals, you could not be further from the truth! Full of energy and suspense, these are page turners that offer you value for money.
Sometimes you also find social messages woven in; this authorial angst is quickly masked in the action of seedy underworld men but these flashes of conscience (as I’d like to term them for my own slotting purposes) are topical.
Most of us may not know Rajesh Kumar, Indra Soundararajan, Pattukottai Prabhakar (on an aside, whatta name!), but we do know the 80s movies. The spate of detective movies that came out was astounding and for the longest time, I assumed our Kollywood had been “inspired” by the film noir genre.
Maybe their inspiration was a little closer to home! The evil politician rapes any woman he comes across; the virginal sister of the hero is abducted on her way to typing class (why this obsession with typing classes? Was that the mark of a girl with a useful mind who didn’t want to waste her intelligence making kaara kolambu for her in-laws? Was the rhythmic click clacking of typing such a charged atmosphere that it became synonymous with buxom youth and hidden desires?) and the hero is hired by her brother or happens to be her brother.
While he was the carefree youth cavorting with the rich girl in Woodlands Drive-in or in Ooty singing melodious duets in the first half, he’s called upon by Dharma itself (in the form of the hand-wringing mother) to fight the good fight during the second half and boy does he! Single handedly he busts a prostitution racket or reforms the villain who had some mountain cave he hid in, or sometimes, just for our viewing pleasure, there were crocodiles thrashing in a glass tank in a Technicolor basement of an abandoned bungalow!
Sounds familiar? Before we knew heroes who flicked cigarettes, every Tamil family was familiar with these worldly wise heroes and damsels in distress from their steady Pulp fiction diet. Mention Pattukottai Prabhakar (bear with me while I fixate on this name) and if you happen to be in a room with individuals over a certain age (*cough cough* older people), they immediately rattle off Resakee, Tamilvanan, Pushpa Thangadurai and Ramanichandran as though you’re playing some weird Antakshari with them.
Published in weeklies such as Kalkandu, Dhinamani Kadhir, Anandha Vikatan, Kumudham and Kalaimagal, these titillating tales of crime and punishment were condensed lectures on modern day morality. Then there were other publications; super novel, ungal junior, and today crime, these were not freely distributed among members of the family. The writers were the same; the subject was the same but the language presumably was less constrained because they needn’t fear corrupting the minds of young girls from good Tamil families.
These ten rupee novels may have been mid-morning escapes for many but in them lie nuggets of the era they were written in. The reader can glean what the common man was feeling and thinking. These “pulp” reads are a treasure trove for a mind keen on understanding the sociological issues of an earlier era. It is more accurate than History and certainly more fun and racy!

Thursday, March 5, 2009

The Diary of Events

K kicked off my Birthday celebrations on 6th February announcing she was gonna give me 30 gifts till 5 March.

I thought she was trying to buy my affection.

Many polka dotted fuschia pink lingerie, face masks, and cosmetics later, I'm happy to report my affections have officially been bought.

Day itself was uneventful. Most people forgot twas my birthday. Some called.

The highlight was new post by Fao San wishing me kinky things and the din din I had with her.

A fine meal, good company, some embarassing geographical confessions later, my marvellous gifts were unwrapped.

Jewelry and Perfume! Am I not the luckiest kept woman ever?!?

Thanks for great day K and Fao San. To the adoring masses, thanks for the wishes.

Now to look forward to London!

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SAM SAN!

Wishing you so many good things for all your senses that you lose memory of all things bad! Hope this is your best year yet! Continue to entertain, regale, comfort (and point and laugh at) people the way you do. You rock, my sismance!

Wish her all things kinky, dear readers (yes, i used the plural form. I'm allowed to be giddy and delusional on Sammeh's birthday!)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SAM SAN SUPERSTAR!

Monday, March 2, 2009

My Tarot Reading for Monday

Here's what the Wise man said:

You start the week at breakneck speed, dear friend. Nothing can stop you this Monday, because as your first card shows, you have Strength on your side. Willpower, ambition, persuasiveness: you have a hand full of trump cards to play over the course of an extremely busy day that sees you conquering a mountain of work. Theres no better mood in which to start off your working week, so dont waste a minute: get to work straight away!

I just took an online tarot reading. How productive can my day have been?!

Friday, February 27, 2009

A Few Things that are Not Fun

Spent a long day prop shopping and had a chance to contemplate the deepness of my self-involvement. Here are a few fun things that aren't fun when it doesnt wholly involve you.

Yawn!

1) Shopping - Take the bestest money and combine it with a perfectly gloomy day but when its for someone else, snooze!

2) Photo Albums - I dont know how others do it but if I aint in the pics, dont bother showing me! I mean, seriously?

3) Spa Days - If someone else is getting a massage and you're reading Cosmo's '57 ways to get him to open up about his ex' in the waiting area - Next!

4) Wedding - If you ain't the bride or the groom. Boring!

5) Holidays - Marvellous self-indulgent days ahead but when you pull the weight of an entire team and stay up reading fun things to do in Cambodia late into the night - next please!

6) Listening - Dont get me wrong. I've lent my bony shouler to many a teary break up but if it involves listening about your latest work crisis - yawn!

7) Production - Shopping, scheduling, and decorating set and stage for a show you're never going to be onstage for - that's just cruelty!

8) Cooking Fat Free - I fail to see the reason to put double of my effort in making a low-fat muffin taste good when the recipient cant get off his ass to work out more! C'mon!

9) Watching TV - When you're stuck watching Idea Star Singer because you have nothing better to do and you promised mum the tv is hers this evening. Pain!

10) Selling Tickets - After the first 10 mins, the sturdiest of friendships can be tested when you're swatting mosquitoes and miss the first 30 mins of a decent play. Groan!

11) House Hunting - Who cares which side the living room faces or how small the bedroom is if you're not the one sleeping in it? Sigh!

12) Talking - Normally I'm a motor mouth but it becomes painful when you're relaying instructions. Lost in translation!

Got any more?

Monday, February 23, 2009

Happy Birthday to Me

As I grow older but certainly not wiser, here are a few things I would like to have in my life:

My Wish List (in no particular order): I wish

1) people who owe me money would actually pay me

2) to be able to go a day without excercising and not feeling guilty about it

3) foreign tourist visa processes were not so daunting

4) to have meaningful work which also paid well

5) friends in committed relationships wouldnt bitch about their other halves to me and call me smart for being single (no, its not a compliment and yes, its a conscious choice!)

6) I could watch Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart everyday.

7) people would not obsess over the pink jatti and Valentine Day card protest and call it an upper strata problem (even if it is an upper strata problem, on behalf of upper strata, I have a right for my issues to be heard)

8) more people would vote and not just critique people who dared to make a difference (kudos to Mash and Rochu for doing something other than drink at Zara's and tut tut about it! Read http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Chennai/Greeting_cards_to_fight_Rama_Sene/articleshow/4103108.cms)

9) Hamsa were here - she'd know exactly what to do on my birthday

10) there was a decent bungee jumping place around

11) I had money for my tattoo

12) filial peace - aunties and uncles, I have no clue what I'm doing with my life. Asking me a million times every phone call aint gonna change it.

while I'm wishing for peace...

13) the Tamil Government would not interfere in the Sri Lankan situation. Is a Tamil life more important than an African life? While condemning terrorism, why not condemn the civil wars in Africa and Israel striking Palestine for 6 days in a row? They're our brothers and deserve our respect too!

And we're back to banal wishes!

14) Vijay would have more energy in his movies. What happened babydoll? Why so glum these days?

15) guys would stop mind fucking women - if you want to boink but dont want to have any accountability or responsibility for it, have the balls to declare "I'm a manipulative satyr!" we just may respect your honesty!

16) I owned The Hobbit - cuz I haven't read it and Fao San has threatened to disown me if I dont get to it!

17) I had a Chennai toy boy (does that one even need to be explained?)

18) I could just zip over to Aus. I need their national cheer to bolster my spirits

19) we had krispy kreme in Chennai

20) someone other than Shaji taught Kalari in Bessie

21) there were better movies playing in the theater - Villu or Abhiyum Naanum? I opt for staying at home thank you!

22) more ballet shows would happen in Chennai - there was one from Russia and I was in Delhi.

23) people would know an English Lit student doesnt mean an instant dictionary - dont embarass me coz I dont know the damn words ok!

24) people could understand that just cuz I'm happy doesn't mean its easy.

25) Jeff Buckley and Heath Ledger were alive - such talent should not have gone so soon

26) my Internet connection would work so I wouldnt be utterly bored to write such a self-involved wish list

I saved my last two wishes for you Fao San

27) Fao San a speedy return. we miss you and want you to spice up our posts (that'd be me and my alter ego!)

28) Fao San a better end to this year - am sending all my good thoughts your way!

And so the countdown begins - 8 days to go!

Friday, February 20, 2009

You may Kiss the Bride

3 weddings of 3 close friends in 3 consecutive months.

Guess weddings come in threes too.

My take on why people get married:

1) Coz after 21 its lame to blame your parents for anything you dont actually wanna do but are too scared to admit - "My wife/husband didnt let me" is a better option.

2) You always have someone to go halfsies on gifts.

3) You can finally do lame ass things and blame someone else - quiz nights in, drinking and dancing on tables out!

4) You can let yourself go! This one's for the starving and "dieting" Women

5) You never have to shower, shave or use deo! This one's for men!

6) State and Temple approved license to boink.

7) So someone else can do the polite convo when your mum or dad calls.

8) Someone to pick the tab when you quit your job and have a quarter/mid-life crisis.

9) She lets you video her.

10) He lets you paint his toe nails.

11) Coz using your "friend with benefits" as binami to buy property can bite you in the ass.

12) Someone to drive you to hosp in the middle of the night when you get kidney stones for the 15th time!

I cant think of anymore reasons. I wonder why!